Not who I thought
by Demonicpixy1
Summary: Done from Hermione's POV, she discovers people aren't always what they seem. This is my first HP fic, done for a christmas fic exchange on IATQO.


**Not who I thought**

It started with the usual flirting, a look here and nasty comment there.

"You filthy little mudblood!"

"You arrogant excuse for a human being."

I never really thought too much of it, never thought we'd end up here. I always thought I'd lose my virginity to Ron or maybe even Harry, I knew then it'd be something special and yet this surpassed even my wildest romantic notions. I never expected him to be this gentle and caring, I never saw him in this light before. It was totally unexpected but then everything leading up to this moment had been totally unexpected too.

It seems like a lifetime ago, so much had happened, Harry Ron and I have been through so much sadness and happiness I've spent years trying to be in two places at once and I suppose that's how it started, in a way. Trying to learn more subjects than most students had proved to be draining, finish one lesson rewind and do another one and still no closer to lunchtime or the end of the day! But I can't complain because I got myself into it! Wanting to make my parents proud that I was different. Of course I did use the time turner for my own gain; well sometimes you just need a bit of extra time alone, to catch up on homework and reading for instance, not that I'd ever misuse it of course.

I started to borrow Harry's invisibility cloak to avoid questions when I was sat in the library at times when I should have been elsewhere and that's when my opinion of him changed. I'd been sat in the back corner of the library for about an hour one day a few years ago when I heard footsteps coming in my direction. I checked the  
cloak and moved my books and parchment so they were concealed too, and then I just sat and waited to see who else was trying to hide up in this dark corner. Imagine my surprise when I saw him come round the bookcase, with an arm full of books to boot. Now I don't know about you but books and Draco Malfoy just never crossed my mind as  
being a likely pairing. Intrigued I watched as he furtively looked over his shoulder and then placed the pile of books on the table, pulled up a chair and sat down opposite me. Of course, he didn't know I was there and I didn't intend to let him know I was there either, my books were heavy on my lap but I daren't move. I continued to  
watch him as he pulled out some parchment and began to study. I wanted to move I suddenly felt I was intruding on something private.

He obviously came down here to study so no one else would know. But why?

It took me a few weeks of sneaking around and following him to figure out that he was a smart guy. And although an arrogant git in the company of his friends, not really that bad when alone. In fact, it had taken an end of term party and a bottle of firewhiskey for me to confirm this.

All the houses were having their own end of year celebrations and the Gryffindor one was probably the loudest of them all. I left the common room, a little after midnight equipped with the marauders map and the invisibility cloak, in search of some peace and sanity. I was making my way to the owlery when I saw his name on the map, his  
footprints seemed to be uneven and he seemed to be weaving around the third floor corridor. I hurried down to where he seemed to have stopped and found him sprawled on the floor, talking to himself. On closer inspection he seemed to be drunk. I felt sorry for him, he looked quite sad. I pulled the cloak off and knelt on the floor  
beside him. He seemed to realise that he wasn't alone and looked up at me.

"Ah Granger, I don't suppose you could help me up could you?"

I leant down to help him when his eyes caught mine, for a moment the silence was thick between us then he finally spoke.

"You know, you have quite beautiful eyes."

"Oh yes, for a mudblood right?" I muttered back.

"No seriously, you are quite beautiful, I've always thought so but family protocol forbids me from saying so, you know…cause I'm pureblood and according to my father anyone who isn't is dirty scum."

He seemed to spit out that last sentence as if disgusted with the words.

In that moment I seemed to understand Draco Malfoy.

"So are you saying you don't agree with your father?" I asked cautiously.

"In public, of course I agree, I'm a Malfoy but in my heart I don't agree and I hate what I am."

This revelation shocked me.

Draco, ashamed.

Draco talking to me about it, but then he was drunk.

We sat for hours and he seemed to be released pouring his thoughts and worries onto my already burdened shoulders. I realise now that in that night my whole life changed, I seemed to realise that Ron and Harry were not the men for me, they didn't need me, not like Draco did. It seemed the time flew by and I never noticed how sober he'd become, his demeanour never changed towards me and then we both seemed to realize the sun was rising and we needed to get back .

As we parted company he turned to me and said "Granger, thanks for being here, I know how strange this must be for  
you and how much you must despise me for the way I treat you, and as much as I hate doing it I must carry on, I can't let my father see my true self and he has me watched most of the time, so the chances to be myself are few and far between. You understand what I'm saying don't you?"

"Yes Draco I do, I just wish I could help you more than this but just remember I'm willing to listen anytime you need to talk."

I walked away thinking I must have imagined this whole thing especially when 3 hours later we were back to the insults but I knew, deep down how hollow they really were. I could see the change in the way he looked at me.

We met once or twice a week, I helped him study, he talked. One day the talking stopped, he just sat there and watched me. After a while I got annoyed with him.

"What? What are you staring at?"

"You" was all he said. A small smile played on his lips.

"Me what?"

"You never tell me much about you, I'm intrigued with your life outside school, what's your home like? What do you do there?"

" Oh…..well I suppose it must be interesting to you, having heard about your home life. My parents are nothing like yours, I know they love me, they show me how much in everything they do."

I saw the pain flash across his face and knew I'd hurt him.

"I'm sorry Draco, I didn't think…"

"No that's ok you're right of course, I don't know if they love me or not, to my father I'm just a weapon to mold for his own use and my mother is so distant I have no idea what kind of person she really is but me I have all this love inside and no one to share it with, no one till now that is."

His hand reached across the table and clasped mine, I remember the tingle of his skin on mine and my heart skipped a beat. Part of me wanted to run away from him, afraid of where this was going but the other half wanted to stay and find out if he was going to kiss me.

"I think I love you Hermione"

My mouth went dry, my mind raced, say something my mind screamed.

"Oh right" was all I could manage, if I could have kicked myself I would have done!

"I suppose I'm out of luck then, is it Harry or Ron?"

"Is what Harry or Ron?" I asked in a puzzled tone.

"I always knew it'd be one of them but I'd like to know which one it is, so I'm not wasting my jealousy on the wrong guy." He continued.

"Oh I see what you're saying, oh my god could you be more wrong! It's neither."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm not now or have never dated either of them, we're just friends." I explained. His face was a picture, from sadness to utter bewilderment.

"But you're always hugging and stuff, you're always with one of the other of them."

"We're friends Draco, the best of friends, sure I love them both but I'm IN LOVE with someone else."

"Oh…anyone I know?" he asked.

"You" I replied bluntly. Suddenly the urge took me and I lent across the table and kissed him firmly on the lips. As I tried to pull back his hand held the back of my head in place and his tongue made its way into my mouth. That first kiss was incredible; I had never felt anything so intense. I was totally lost in the moment, so much so that when he broke the kiss I stayed there with my eyes closed for a moment too long. I heard him laugh as I opened my eyes.

"First kiss?"

"No!"

"First French kiss?"

"Maybe!" I smiled.

Every time we met after that, very little studying was done. I found myself daydreaming more and more, he distracted me so much I wasn't paying attention in class, which Ron and Harry soon picked up on. I dismissed their questions with excuses about too many classes, but I think they knew it was more than that. They never pushed for more answers, I guess they figured I'd come to them sooner or later and tell them everything. But I didn't think I could, not then and I'm still not sure now. It's been 6 months since that first kiss, the summer is coming which means home for both of us, we're both dreading it. Him, cause of his family life and the expectations made on him.  
Me, because I am scared for him, to me he has changed visibly, what if he can't hide that? What will his father do if he even suspects? The thought of it keeps me awake at night. That's why I decided to send him home with something I treasure. My virginity.

It belongs to him anyway so why shouldn't he have it now? I always said I'd wait but now I don't see why I should. I had it all planned out but one thing about Draco is how he can surprise the hell out of me. I walked into the room of requirement and found him sat on a fur rug in front of a roaring fire, petals scattered on the four poster bed nearby, candles lighting the room, the sweet scent of vanilla.

"Hey this was supposed to be my plan not yours!" I smiled.

"Isn't this what you wanted?"

"Oh yes"

We fell into each others arms, lost in each other. His lips pressed against mine, the world was gone and it was just us and for tonight that's all I needed.

We are happy and now we'll be one.

The End


End file.
